Late-Onset Retardation

I went to get gas today. Not a big deal, really except that it reminded me of a trend going on with me lately.

Two weeks ago, I had $20 and decided I would use it to buy groceries for egg salad and greek salad to make myself all week (oh, and a few amy's meals -- LOVE those). So I was very careful about my grocery list. I had twenty bucks, so I had to be sure I brought the list with me. Now, you may very well know that I have a tendency to be, well, absent-minded. So I made SURE to bring the list. I checked twice before leaving the house: "OK, keys, purse, list. Check."

Got to the store, got my groceries, got in line at the wondrous U-scan express lane, and beeped all my groceries through, very impressed not only with the wonders of technology, but also at my clerking skills. ("Go, Jamie!") But, I realized when I was finished speed-scanning (including knowing the plu codes for tomatoes on the vine. yep, I'm that good) that a sign was hanging on the screen -- clearly meant to be large enough to be seen, but I was really into the scanning. The sign read, "NO cash! Credit cards or check cards ONLY!" (Why do they feel the need to yell, I wondered?) So damn. I had my $20 and I was done scanning -- what to do? I approached the nice lady who stands there waiting for idiots like myself and told her my predicament. She said, "no problem, I'll just check you out here." "Oh, great," I said. "Let me get my cash."

I walked over to get my purse, where I had also left my shopping list (small moment of self-congratulation for not leaving the list in the car), and realized very quickly that I didn't have my money. Damn. My heart skipped. Now what?

So I tell the clerk my dilemma, and she says, "OK, no problem, let's just leave your bags over here and I'll print a receipt that you can take to the customer service desk...." She's so nice! So, cool. I'll just go get my money.

One hour later, after surfing the web, e-mailing, whatever, I remembered the groceries sitting at the store. Oh. my. god. So I jumped in the car, got to the store, went to the customer service desk, told them what happened. ... I forgot my money again. I kinda felt like crying. I eventually did get my damn groceries.

Last week, I went to the store for some Starbucks venti iced green tea no sweetener (daily ritual). It was a beautiful day. I came out of the store, drink in hand, Amy's meals swinging happily in the plastic bag. It wasn't until half-way home that I realized that I left my car at Kroger's.

So, today, all I wanted was to get some gas. Instead, I was on auto-pilot and went to Starbucks and picked up some Amy's meals and turkey bacon. I still haven't gotten any gas.

This is a dangerous disease.